If programming languages were weapons

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C is a sniper – good if you know how to use it but get one pointer wrong and you shoot your allies

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C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

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Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it now.

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Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

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Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

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JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

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Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

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Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

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bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

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Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

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Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

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PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

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Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

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C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

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Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom.

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Lisp is a shiv which comes in many forms. Anyone who uses this is probably crazy and dangerous.

Source: Bjorn Tipling

Stolen shamelessly from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/20140831122319-139508176-if-programming-languages-were-weapons

Error Communicating With Server Token Import Failed – RSA

I heard this expressions once when I was a young app developer. I was trying to integrate a piece of my code with another 3rd parties code.

I kept getting this error

YFYOYO Error

Years later I ran into the guy who wrote the 3rd party software;  we got talking and asked him what a YFYOYO Error was. He laughed a bit and said “it means ‘You’re Fucked, You’re On Your Own'”

So if you are working with the RSA SecurID App and you are trying to get soft tokens to work well but you keep coming up against “error communicating with server token import failed

YFYOYO

 

8 Years, Infinite KMs Warranty on Tesla Model S – Elon Musk, you’re a legend

This guy is just awesome, nicely done Elon Musk.

Tesla

Today, Tesla announced that the Model S drive unit warranty has been increased to match that of the battery pack. That means the 85 kWh Model S now has an 8 year, infinite mile warranty on both the battery pack and drive unit. Moreover, the warranty extension will apply retroactively to all 85 kWh Model S vehicles ever produced.

No other changes have been made to the warranty.

Here’s what CEO Elon Musk wrote about the new policy in a blog post today:

Infinite Mile Warranty

The Tesla Model S drive unit warranty has been increased to match that of the battery pack. That means the 85 kWh Model S, our most popular model by far, now has an 8 year, infinite mile warranty on both the battery pack and drive unit. There is also no limit on the number of owners during the warranty period.

Moreover, the warranty extension will apply retroactively to all Model S vehicles ever produced. In hindsight, this should have been our policy from the beginning of the Model S program. If we truly believe that electric motors are fundamentally more reliable than gasoline engines, with far fewer moving parts and no oily residue or combustion byproducts to gum up the works, then our warranty policy should reflect that.

To investors in Tesla, I must acknowledge that this will have a moderately negative effect on Tesla earnings in the short term, as our warranty reserves will necessarily have to increase above current levels. This is amplified by the fact that we are doing so retroactively, not just for new customers. However, by doing the right thing for Tesla vehicle owners at this early stage of our company, I am confident that it will work out well in the long term.

Angry at Stuff

I’m angry,

It is just crap doing something that you hate with no choice. I suppose it is just difficult because I hate doco, I hate doing shit I hate.

But that isn’t just it. I have to keep doing it. I have the golden handcuffs, I can’t leave. It is not just me that I’m looking after. I am responsible for others. If I don’t push through then there will be others in my life that suffer. It is the feeling of being trapped and not having a choice I hate.

So smile boy, smile while doing the crap, because you have to, because you are the man responsible, you are the one who is going to be holding the shining torch for the others in your life to one day stand. And on that day it will have all been worth it. THEN you can quit and fly kites on the beach.

Be the man and keep holding that light.

Office365 Linux and Chrome Support

Office365

So after a bunch of time trying to get an answer from ANYONE about whether Office365 online would work on a Linux machine (Ubuntu 14.04) using Chrome, I finally got an answer.

I searched the web and I got a bunch or outdated information. I called Microsoft support (sales and technical), and they couldn’t tell me.

So I took matters into my own hands and just got a trial subscription and tested it. The short story is that Office365 online version does work with Linux running Chrome version 35.

But the story doesn’t end there. If you are just a standard user and you just want to write documents then you don’t need an Office 365 subscription, you can use it for free on with office online (https://office.com/start/default.aspx)  IT IS EXACTLY THE SAME THING

I thought that paying the $100+ per year actually got you additional features that aren’t available with the free office online version; but no, it is exactly the same crippled, feature lacking version.

Office online  (in particular Word online), you cant add a contents page, you can references, in fact there is a HEAP of things that you can not do in Office 365 online. read here (http://technet.microsoft.com/en-us/library/word-online-service-description.aspx) about what it can and cant do.

So save your dollars and just use the free version, the only caveat is that you will need a Microsoft account. but you can sign up for a free account at outlook.com 

Coding in the Dark

Sometimes the greatest things in life are things that don’t even register as things. Coding in the dark is one of them. There darkness blocks the distractions around you so all there is is code. The clarity and focus is amazing and when the conditions are right, there is nothing wrong in the world.

Everything is just fine.

Clusterfuck

Charlie Foxtrot

So what is a clusterfuck? A clusterfuck is what the Australian Liberal Party has done to the NBN.

Fuck you Liberal assholes,

And now not only did you stop me from getting fibre to the home, but now you hit me with an additional tax because you can’t manage money and spend it on shit that isn’t important. Like military aeroplanes. What is fucking wrong with you? We are a fucking island, a big fucking island, who is going to be stupid enough to attack us? And if we are attacked what are we going to do, launch some god damn aeroplanes with missiles that we don’t own (yes, we don’t own them, they are on loan, and if we “break” them we “bought” them).

Just give me my fibre, give me my fast internet, I pay more taxes than most and you still want more blood.

You are an incompetent government. You liberals are clusterfuckers.