Category Archives: Random

Humor, Random

If programming languages were weapons

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If programming languages were Weapons

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C is a sniper – good if you know how to use it but get one pointer wrong and you shoot your allies

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C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

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Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it now.

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Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

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Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

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JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

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Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

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Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

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bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

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Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

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Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

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PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

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Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

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C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

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Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom.

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Lisp is a shiv which comes in many forms. Anyone who uses this is probably crazy and dangerous.

Source: Bjorn Tipling

Stolen shamelessly from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/20140831122319-139508176-if-programming-languages-were-weapons

Random

Error Communicating With Server Token Import Failed – RSA

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I heard this expressions once when I was a young app developer. I was trying to integrate a piece of my code with another 3rd parties code.

I kept getting this error

YFYOYO Error

Years later I ran into the guy who wrote the 3rd party software;  we got talking and asked him what a YFYOYO Error was. He laughed a bit and said “it means ‘You’re Fucked, You’re On Your Own'”

So if you are working with the RSA SecurID App and you are trying to get soft tokens to work well but you keep coming up against “error communicating with server token import failed”

YFYOYO

 

Random

8 Years, Infinite KMs Warranty on Tesla Model S – Elon Musk, you’re a legend

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This guy is just awesome, nicely done Elon Musk.

Tesla

Today, Tesla announced that the Model S drive unit warranty has been increased to match that of the battery pack. That means the 85 kWh Model S now has an 8 year, infinite mile warranty on both the battery pack and drive unit. Moreover, the warranty extension will apply retroactively to all 85 kWh Model S vehicles ever produced.

No other changes have been made to the warranty.

Here’s what CEO Elon Musk wrote about the new policy in a blog post today:

Infinite Mile Warranty

The Tesla Model S drive unit warranty has been increased to match that of the battery pack. That means the 85 kWh Model S, our most popular model by far, now has an 8 year, infinite mile warranty on both the battery pack and drive unit. There is also no limit on the number of owners during the warranty period.

Moreover, the warranty extension will apply retroactively to all Model S vehicles ever produced. In hindsight, this should have been our policy from the beginning of the Model S program. If we truly believe that electric motors are fundamentally more reliable than gasoline engines, with far fewer moving parts and no oily residue or combustion byproducts to gum up the works, then our warranty policy should reflect that.

To investors in Tesla, I must acknowledge that this will have a moderately negative effect on Tesla earnings in the short term, as our warranty reserves will necessarily have to increase above current levels. This is amplified by the fact that we are doing so retroactively, not just for new customers. However, by doing the right thing for Tesla vehicle owners at this early stage of our company, I am confident that it will work out well in the long term.

Random

Angry at Stuff

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I’m angry,

It is just crap doing something that you hate with no choice. I suppose it is just difficult because I hate doco, I hate doing shit I hate.

But that isn’t just it. I have to keep doing it. I have the golden handcuffs, I can’t leave. It is not just me that I’m looking after. I am responsible for others. If I don’t push through then there will be others in my life that suffer. It is the feeling of being trapped and not having a choice I hate.

So smile boy, smile while doing the crap, because you have to, because you are the man responsible, you are the one who is going to be holding the shining torch for the others in your life to one day stand. And on that day it will have all been worth it. THEN you can quit and fly kites on the beach.

Be the man and keep holding that light.

Project, Random

Coding in the Dark

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Sometimes the greatest things in life are things that don’t even register as things. Coding in the dark is one of them. There darkness blocks the distractions around you so all there is is code. The clarity and focus is amazing and when the conditions are right, there is nothing wrong in the world.

Everything is just fine.

Random

Translation

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A community service announcement to those blokes living under the constant threat of nuclear annihilation…

  1. Fine – This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
  2. Nothing – This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. Run!!!
  3. Go Ahead – This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It! If you try it, your goose is cooked. Make sure that the couch is comfortable for you to sleep on for a while.
  4. Whatever – Is a woman’s way of saying F*** YOU!
  5. That’s Okay – This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. Perhaps you should sleep at a friend’s house until she has calmed down. Not mine. Your wife scares me. All I need is for her to take out her wrath on me. I am doomed.
  6. Five Minutes – If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to do something you want to do such as watch a game, before helping around the house.
  7. Loud Sigh – This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. Remember what the word “Nothing” means. Get out while you are alive.
  8. Thanks – A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome.
    A friend said that this is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’, that will bring on a ‘whatever’.
  9. Don’t worry about it, I got it – Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ The woman will probably answer with a “Nothing” and you now know what that means.
Random

Can Happy Run Out

If you are happy all the time, how do you realize that you are in fact happy. Because to be happy all the time would lead happiness to be normal and ordinary.

This would them imply that if you stopped being happy then this would be depression.

So the only way to balance this is to have sadness, struggles and challenges that make us appreciate what is true happiness.

The next time you are feeling down, remind yourself that without this suffering, you could not be happy.