If programming languages were weapons

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C is a sniper – good if you know how to use it but get one pointer wrong and you shoot your allies

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C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

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Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it now.

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Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

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Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

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JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

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Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

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Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

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bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

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Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

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Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

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PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

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Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

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C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

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Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom.

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Lisp is a shiv which comes in many forms. Anyone who uses this is probably crazy and dangerous.

Source: Bjorn Tipling

Stolen shamelessly from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/20140831122319-139508176-if-programming-languages-were-weapons

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